More Than Words
by TimeforSomethingDifferent
Summary: With the recent airing of the campaign that is outing her to the public, Santana must make a difficult decision.  But is it too late to fix a mistake?
1. If You Love Me, Then You'll Let Me Go

**AN:**

**So, I generally write Klaine fics, so if that interests you, feel free to take a look at those. At the beginning of Glee, I thought that Santana was a complete bitch, but as the show progressed, I grew to like her. Over the struggles that she went through, I had a new appreciation for her. Season 3 episode 6 finally inspired me to write a fic about her, interrupting my attempt at NaNoWriMo (National November Writing Month in which I am trying the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel.). **

**Enough of my rambling, that's not why you are here. I hope you enjoy the story.**

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><p>The whispered voices grated at Santana's nerves and she gritted her teeth. She attempted to ignore the sidelong glances and the mumbled conversations that had been directed at her all day. From the minute that she had walked into Macy's that morning to work, she could tell that the campaign had been running on TV. <em>Damn you, Finn, now everyone knows.<em> But the truth was, she wasn't mad. She was terrified. She was terrified of what the people at work would say, but she was even more afraid of what her family would say. _There's no way I can face my family now._

With her hands shaking, her job of folding clothes in Macy's was taking twice as much time as it usually did. As another shirt slipped out of her unsteady grip, Santana cursed under her breath. If she could have quit, she would have immediately. _But I can't do that,_ she reminded herself. _My family is relying on me to bring home some money._ It's not like the Lopez family was poor, per se, but for Santana to go to college next year would be impossible if she didn't have a job. Contrary to what the students at school thought, Santana did want to go to college. It didn't matter that she didn't pay attention in class or have good grades; that wasn't what she wanted to go to school for anyways. She wanted to study performing arts. _There's no possibility of me being accepted to NYADA with Kurt and Rachel, though._ To the rest of the world, she may portray that she was just as amazing of a singer as both of them, but in her mind she doubted herself.

Jerking back into reality, she heard two costumers gossiping in whispered tones of "that lesbian cheerleader". As she turned to face them, Santana shot icy daggers out of her eyes, making sure they noticed her glaring. But truthfully, it felt like someone had reached inside her and ripped out her stomach. A wave of nausea rolled through her and her breath caught in her throat. _I can't do this anymore._ She could feel her insides writhing as she tried to stay composed, fixing her "I don't give a shit" expression on her face. _I do give a shit,_ Santana knew. _Everyone always assumes from my personality that I have everything in control, but what Finn said was true. I am a fucking coward! Whenever I try to pretend, it's just a lie. My entire fucking life is a lie!_

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><p>Three hours later, Santana was tense with the apprehension of what was waiting for her at home. Pushing open the door to exit Macy's, she kept her head bent, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else. It was a little bit paranoid to think that everyone had seen the campaign that was running on TV about her, but she couldn't help but feel like the people walking by were all watching her.<p>

_I can't do this anymore,_ she thought. _How am I expected to live here when everyone knows my face? I know that after this year I can move away for college, but can I really stand it for that much longer?_

As she dragged her feet along the pavement, she could feel a pair of eyes watching her. With as cold a look as she could muster at the moment, Santana lifted her head and glared around looking for the person who was staring at her. Her eyes met the snowy-blue eyes of a very familiar blonde sitting on a bench. _I must be imagining this,_ Santana thought to herself as she approached the other girl.

"What are you doing here, Brittany?" Santana snapped, trying to cover up her emotions. At Brittany's slight cringe, Santana realized how harsh her words had sounded. Shifting uncomfortably, she decided to make a better attempt. "I mean, I didn't expect to see you here." Pausing, Santana took a steadying breath. "Especially after what happened today." The chilly air between them was like a barrier, and Santana knew that she couldn't pass through it. _If anyone sees me closer Brittany, they will know that we are together. Even if my whole life is fucked up now, I can still try to make sure Brittany is happy in her own little world._

Still holding Santana's gaze, Brittany answered, "I just… I just thought that I was coming to meet you like I do every Saturday?" Immediately, Santana unclenched her stomach. _Of course_, she thought._ With everything else going on, I guess my brain was just overworked. How could I forget that we always meet after I work?_ Santana attempted to give Brittany a smile in response, although she figured it was more of a grimace. Even though the other girl made her heart fill up, Santana was still afraid of anyone seeing them together.

Standing in front of Brittany, Santana wanted to reach out and hold her hand, but she knew that if she did, people would notice. "Um…" Santana struggled to think of what to do. "Can we walk?" Giving a curt nod, Brittany rose from the bench she had been sitting on.

As they made their way down the sidewalk, Santana tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. No matter how hard she tried, though, some of the people passing were still turning to watch her.

"So," Brittany's voice shocked Santana out of her reverie, "I saw you on TV today." With her heart suddenly beating a mile a minute, Santana could feel her lungs quivering as she began to hyperventilate. "I thought that it was pretty awesome that you were in a commercial because I didn't remember you saying anything about it before, but I didn't exactly understand what was going on in it." _Brittany can be so oblivious sometimes! That commercial is the thing that is ruining my entire life!_ Swallowing repeatedly, Santana suppressed the lump that was forming in her throat for the millionth time that day.

Those cerulean blue eyes were peering at her again as Brittany tilted her head questioningly. "Are you all right? Did I say something wrong?" Quickly shaking her head back and forth, Santana didn't trust herself to speak right now. _Everyone who thinks Brittany is stupid is wrong. She actually cares about others, and that is exactly the reason that I fell in love with her._

Right now, more than ever, Santana just wanted to hold Brittany in her arms. Turning to her side, Santana watched the girl next to her. Brittany's gaze was focused back at Santana, her eyes as deep as an ocean of thought. _No one else realizes just how observant Brittany is because she shows it in such an untraditional way._ In the gentle breeze, Brittany's golden hair blew like soft silk. There was a soft flush on her cheeks and the tip of her nose from the cold fall air, but her lips were even pinker as they called for Santana to kiss them. _But I can't do that anymore if I want Brittany to live a normal life,_ Santana reminded herself. _Especially not in the middle of a busy street where half of the people have already seen the campaign running on television about me. _ Yet Santana couldn't draw her eyes away from the beautiful girl walking beside her. _If I love her, I have to let her go._

As a sharp gust of air flew past, Santana wrapped her arms around herself. Yes, it was partially from the cold, but that wasn't all. She was afraid. She knew she couldn't be seen with Brittany anymore after the campaign aired on TV or else everyone would not only know about Santana, but they would also know about Brittany. _That is one thing I can't stand. Even I may not be strong enough to deal with the hatred that I am going to get after this, so how could I ever expect Brittany to be able to handle it._

Blinking rapidly, Santana tried to clear her blurring vision. _I told myself I wasn't going to fucking cry today!_ Suddenly, she felt a hand wrapping around her own, pulling her arm from its place wrapping around her torso. Santana knew that Brittany shouldn't be seen walking hand in hand with her, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. _This may be the last time I am with Brittany. _

"Something's wrong," Brittany stated, a knowing look in her eyes. Sometimes, Santana was surprised with how much Brittany could figure out, even if Brittany didn't understand the simpler things. Taking a shaky breath, Santana figured that she owed Brittany at least some version of the truth.

Slowly, she chose her words more carefully than she ever had before. "You know that commercial of me that you saw on TV?" Pausing momentarily, Santana struggled with what she should say. "Well, I didn't know they were using me in it," she attempted to explain, becoming slightly frustrated when Brittany quirked her eyebrows quizzically in response. Simplifying it, she tried again. "The person that created the commercial was a bad man." Santana could feel her chest tightening as she struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape her dark eyes. Squeezing Brittany's hand tighter, Santana tried to be strong for the girl she loved. "In that commercial, he was saying…" Santana's voice caught in her throat as she tried to get her words out. "He was saying that we can't be together anymore," she managed with a hiccup of air. _I can't believe I'm saying this!_ The silence was rushing in Santana's ears, and she could feel her heartbeat slamming in her temples.

When Santana finally convinced herself to look at the girl next to her, Brittany didn't have the crestfallen look that she had prepared herself for. It only looked confused. Opening her mouth, Brittany questioned, "I don't understand? I thought you said you loved me?" Her face was suddenly closed off and clearly puzzled.

Just trying to keep breathing, Santana didn't answer. She couldn't answer. If she opened her mouth, she knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together any longer. It was difficult enough right now to look into the face of the girl she was in love with without completely shattering to pieces.

Still confused, Brittany asked, "Remember when you sang 'Songbird' for me?" Santana tried her hardest not to remember. If she did, it might cause her to waver in her resolve. "That was the first time you told me that you loved me." At this comment, Santana's erratic breathing completely stopped. If she took one more gasp of air, she knew it would break her down. _I'm supposed to be doing this for Brittany good! I can't pay attention to what I want!_

Abruptly stopping, Brittany turned to completely face Santana. Her icy eyes had a newfound determination in them. With emotion that melted Santana's heart, Brittany sang softly so that only the two of them could hear. "And the songbirds are singing like they know the score, and I love you, I love you, I love you like never before." Santana could feel her heart crack just a little bit more as she heard the girl she loved soulfully sing those lyrics back to her. As Brittany took both of Santana's hands in her own, Santana could hardly stand to look into the bottomless eyes of the girl in front of her, yet for some reason, she couldn't look away. Staring straight into Santana's soul, Brittany said, "I remember how I felt when you sang that to me, and I just want to make you feel that way too. I don't know how a stupid commercial can change anything. I know one thing that will never change is that I am in love with you."

_No! I can't do this to Brittany! I know that leaving will hurt her, but if I stay it will only be worse! Everyone will act cruelly to Brittany if they find out we are together. Leaving is the only way I can protect her!_

Santana's entire body was shaking as she tried to tug away from the girl she loved. But Brittany wouldn't let her. With strength that no one would expect out of a girl who looked that fragile, Brittany pulled Santana towards her. And right there, in the middle of the bustling street, Brittany kissed her.

It wasn't just another meaningless kiss; it was Brittany's way of showing just how much she loved Santana. The softness of Brittany's lips caressing Santana's caused another rush of emotions to burst through Santana's chest and flutter in her heart. With a sudden urgency, Santana pressed herself close to Brittany, cupping the angel face in her hands. But then she realized what she was doing.

Tearing herself away from Brittany, Santana gasped, "I can't do this. I can't be with you anymore." Her words made it out as a barely audible whisper and the last little piece that was holding her heart together crumbled. Turning sharply, Santana left the girl she was in love with standing there with her mouth hanging open and her eyes pleading.

As her feet rapidly slapped the pavement, Santana's eyes overflowed with the tears she had been holding in all day. Her shoulders shook as her lungs heaved as she silently sobbed. Drips rolled down her cheeks and fell from her chin as she ran blindly, not caring who she was bumping into. _I probably just abandoned the only person who will ever love me just as much as I love her._ Another ripping sob wracked through Santana's chest, and she didn't even attempt to suppress it anymore.

Santana just kept running. She didn't know were she was going. She didn't know what she was doing. Truthfully, she didn't even care.

All she could see was the brokenness in the eyes of the girl she loved. The girl that she used to imagine spending the rest of her life with.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**I am so sorry for leaving it like that! Originally this was going to be a one shot, but I think I will need to write more of this story. I have this problem where I just want everyone on glee to be happy! **

**So, let me know what you think of it! Please review! Also, I was just wondering if anyone would actually be interested if I continued it. **


	2. Don't Forget Me, I Beg

**AN:**

**So, I just want to say a huge thank you to those people who subscribed to this story on story alert. And here are just a few shout outs to my reviewers.  
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**serangel26: ****I'm glad you enjoyed it! As the first reviewer you made my hea****rt so happy!**

**Chelsie1991:**** There is absolutely no way that I can leave the story without them being happy!**

**dancelikeheya:**** I'm happy that you liked it so much that you wanted to read more. I couldn't _not_ continue!**

**This chapter is just coming very quickly because I finally gave up on finishing my NaNoWriMo story in November.**

**Thank you all who told me to keep going! There was no way I could leave Brittana like that! The p****lot of this story almost completely changed from what I imagined it to be originally. I hope you like it as much as the first chapter.**

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><p>Thrashing in her sheets, Santana gasped for air. Even though her eyes were clenched tightly closed, she could still see the pain in those blue eyes staring back at her. Her cheeks were slick with the tears that were still rolling soundlessly down them. Feeling as if her heart was about to beat right out of her chest, Santana sucked in another breath of air, the sound of it catching in her throat and giving off a small whimper.<p>

Then, the sound of a car alarm going off broke her thoughts. Snapping her eyes open instantly, Santana realized that she was not running through a crowded street. She was staring back at a gray crack running the length of her off-white ceiling. Her lungs emptied with a puff as the air escaped her.

_It's been a year,_ Santana reminded herself as she wiped angrily at her cheeks. _I told myself I would be over this by now, yet these damn nightmares are still keeping me awake almost every night!_ She rubbed her eyes violently, yet Brittany's image continued to haunt her mind.

Quietly but distinctly, her alarm clock gave a faint clicking noise as it turned itself on and began to play a song from the radio. Pausing to listen, Santana froze mid-thought as the music began playing.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

Her heart slammed into her ribs as she flailed her arm in the direction of her nightstand. As her hand made jarring contact with the alarm clock, the music was finally silenced. But that only left Santana sitting up rigidly in her lonely single bed, hand stinging and body shaking. No matter how hard she tried to think of something, anything else, she just couldn't.

_Damn radio station! Why did they have to be playing that song this morning! Today was already shity enough!_ But even deeper than her anger, where Santana was hiding it from even herself, was her fear. What was the most terrifying, though, was that the lyrics expressed the feelings that Santana tried her hardest to deny.

Smashing her already throbbing hand against her leg, Santana let out a cry of exasperation. _Why can't I just live one week of a normal life? Is it really that much to ask? Just to feel all right for a couple of days?_

For the past year, this nightmare hadn't given her a break. The first week she was gone the dreams hadn't yet appeared, but she didn't need dreams to make her remember. Her brain had been doing enough of that all by itself. To be fair, though, she had hardly gotten any sleep in which to dream in. From the minute she had left Brittany standing on that street corner, Santana knew that she couldn't stay in Ohio. There was nothing left for her to stay for anyways.

So she left. Taking her car straight from work, she left. At first, she didn't even know where she was going, but after the first day on the road, she had made her decision. Santana was going to New York. At night, she slept in her car in empty parking lots. During the day, she drove for hour after hour, determined to get as far away from that wretched town as she could. Days later, she finally made it to New York City, but by then she was practically out of money. It wasn't like she would be able to pay for a place to live on the money she had left, but what she could do was get a job. The only problem was that in this economy, it was next to impossible to get a job, especially if she didn't even have a high school diploma. But she had to try.

There were only two options; they were the only two options that she felt like she ever had. But it didn't take long for her to make a decision, and that decision was singing. Even though it was painful to try to keep singing without those inspirations that fueled her before, Santana didn't even want to imagine the other option.

She tried to get gigs singing anywhere she could, whether it was a coffee house, a diner, or when she was exceptionally lucky, an actual restaurant. After a month or two, she finally made enough money to rent an apartment. Cars zoomed by the street outside all night, and drunks could be heard yelling in the alleyways. It was a small little place made up of a small bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, and a general area that included a so-called "kitchen". In actuality, it was just an oven and refrigerator stuck in the middle of a block of linoleum set into the floor, and Santana barely used it for fear that something would catch on fire. The bedroom wasn't necessarily idea with walls a bland cream color and the matted grey mess of carpet. All of the rooms put together probably took up as much space as a normal living room, but it was better than living out of a car. It wasn't much, but it was something of her own.

With another shaky sigh, Santana forced herself up out of her bed, peeling the warmth of her blankets away and exposing herself to the cold air. Trudging across the carpet, Santana dragged her feet towards the bathroom to get ready. The cold tile floor in the bathroom made goose bumps rise up her legs and caused Santana gave a small shiver.

Twisting the teardrop shaped knob most of the way towards the red H, Santana stripped her clothes off. As she stepped past the flimsy shower curtain, Santana let the steam engulf her and the hot water sting her skin. With the torrents of water rushing down her face, it was impossible to tell if she was still crying. Fat drops massaged the knots out of Santana's muscles, the thrumming on her skull fading out her own thoughts so that it was only her and the water._ If I could just stay in here forever and hide from the world, maybe everything would turn out all right._

After who knows how long, Santana finally turned the water off and decided that it was time to get out of the shower. Wiping a circle in the fogged up mirror, she gauged how bad she looked. In her reflection, her eyes were hollow and lifeless, black holes staring straight back at her. The puffiness of tears was still evident, but a layer of foundation would easily conceal the redness. With a heavy hand, Santana rubbed and powdered on her usual mask of makeup, covering not only what she thought were flaws, but also pasting on the fake face of happiness that she tried to wear nowadays.

Making her way back into the bedroom, Santana glanced at the clock and jumped a few inches in the air when she realized that the green LCD numbers read 4:28 pm. _Okay,_ she reminded herself,_ it's not that bad. I don't need to have a mini heart attack,_ she added as she tried to still the rapid racing in her chest. _I was out performing until three o'clock in the morning and my alarm was only set for 2:30 pm so that I would be awake for my gig tonight._

The restaurant that she was performing at tonight was a respectable one, and she was expected to dress up nicely. But that was a slight issue. Though Santana had bought a few articles of clothing especially for when she sang in restaurants, none of them were particularly fancy.

Digging through her dresser, Santana searched for something that would at least be suitable. Finally resurfacing, she had a sleek black skirt clutched in her hand and an idea in her head. Again searching through her drawers, Santana picked out a long sleeved silver lace shirt, solid black tights, and a black undershirt. On her face, a sideways smile began to spread. Swiftly, Santana pulled on the clothes and stood back to inspect the outcome in her full-length mirror. _If I maybe just add a necklace… and a pair of heels... Yes! It would be perfect,_ Santana mused.

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><p>As the last notes of the song faded away, Santana backed away from the microphone. To tell the truth, she thought that she had done a pretty damn good job for the first half of the night. It was only break time, so she still had a number of songs still to tackle, but for the songs that she had done so far she was pleasantly pleased.<p>

Making her way precariously down the stairs of the platform, Santana prayed that she wouldn't fall flat on her face. Luckily, she reached the flat ground without any difficulties and soon relaxed her sore feet as she took a seat. Santana had just taken a few sips of her water when she noticed a petite woman with chocolate brown hair approaching her. The woman appeared to be in her mid-twenties and was wearing a black cardigan with a plum colored dress that fell just below her knees. With a quick glance around, Santana made sure that the woman was approaching her. _Could she tell that I am…_ Santana's wondering thoughts cut off as the woman reached her.

"Hi, my name is Rebecca," the woman introduced herself, extending her hand to shake Santana's. Mumbling a greeting, Santana was a little bit apprehensive. Continuing, Rebecca explained, "I work for a company that discovers new singers and musicians, and I found your voice to be absolutely captivating." Pausing for a moment, it seemed as if Rebecca was waiting for a response, but Santana was a bit too stunned for words at the moment. "So," Rebecca said, "I just wanted to let you know that our company is holding auditions of sorts for prospective artists this Friday and Saturday. If you're interested, I have a card here that has all of the information you'll need. Personally, I think that you would have a good chance of getting noticed if you came."

As Santana took the three by five piece of parchment being offered to her, the words "Warner Music Group" leapt up at her. _You have got to be kidding me,_ Santana thought incredulously. Still in shock, Santana uttered an unintelligible "Thank you." With a nod, the woman walked away to continue on with her meal as if nothing had changed, but for Santana, everything had changed. _This is the hope that I have been waiting for all of these months_._ For years this has been by dream, but recently I had almost given up on it. Living in the city of talent, I never expected to become anyone just singing in coffee shops and restaurants._

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><p>The bronze plate outside the door read 75 Rockefeller Plaza, and Santana looked down at the card just to make sure. It was Friday afternoon at quarter to five and the auditions at Warner Music Group were supposed to start in fifteen minutes. Pushing open the glass door, Santana made her way to the reception desk. With an uncharacteristic feeling of anxiety, she floundered for words.<p>

"Um…" she spoke to the receptionist, "I'm here for the auditions?" _Why am I so nervous? It's not like I'm going to lose anything for trying; the only outcome that will make a difference is if I actually get noticed in a good way._

Still talking on the phone, the girl behind the desk waved her hand in the direction of a hallway. A couple of teenage boys were hanging around outside another set of double doors, strumming on their guitars. _I guess that's where the auditions are taking place, because that receptionist was really helpful,_ Santana's thoughts dripped heavily with sarcasm.

With pointed footsteps, Santana's boots clicked against the marble floor. As she reached the doors, one of the guitarists leaning against the wall smiled at her through his dark bangs. A pang of sadness hit her as she thought of the last date she had been on. _No, I am not going to think about this anymore today. For now, I am going to focus on my music. This is my shot to get noticed, and I am not going to blow it!_

The doors in front of Santana opened and a crying redhead shoved her way past. Now that Santana had a clear view into the room inside, she realized two things; firstly, it wasn't just a room, it was a full-blown auditorium, and secondly, over half of the seats were filled with people waiting to perform. Suddenly, Santana felt the pressure as she walked through the doorway. The energy inside the room had a tension about that threatened to penetrate through Santana's weak composure.

Music from the piano in the front slowly flooded the auditorium and the crowd went silent. As the song gradually began, the breath caught in Santana's throat, and she turned to watch in disbelief. Standing on the stage was a tall, lean young woman, her golden hair falling in waves as her hands steadily danced across the piano. _No, God damn it!_ Santana felt like she was about to pass out as the girl began to sing the lyrics that Santana ran through her mind, day after day.

_For you, there'll be no more crying_

_For you, the sun will be shining_

_And I feel that when I'm with you _

_It's alright, I know it's right_

Brittany's voice was even gentler than Santana remembered it, making the lyrics sound as sweet as first love and as sad as first loss. And Santana knew exactly why that was. Tears jerked at the corners of her eyes as her thoughts raced a mile a minute. _What is the fucking chance? How am I supposed to sing after that? _Then her brain really started working. _Holy shit, what if she sees me? I can't stay here any longer! I have to get out of this room right now!_

Santana couldn't get her lungs to work as her heart hammered in her chest. _I have to get out of here!_ Turning sharply on her heel, Santana practically sprinted back the way she had entered, slamming the door open in front of her. Blinking the tears out of her eyes, Santana tried to clear her vision, yet the image from last year just wouldn't disappear. Depths of blue stared back at her, begging her not to forget. Begging her not to leave. Running her hands raggedly down her face, she came away with smearing mascara and a ruined façade. But then, bringing her feet to a skidding stop, Santana realized something. They weren't in Ohio anymore. They were in New York City, where no one knew Santana's story, and no one would even care.

_So, why am I running away yet again?_

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><p><strong>So, what did you think? I hope you didn't hate the way I took it. <strong>

**Please review! Reviews literally make me bounce off the wall with happiness.  
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